Premiership Preview Part 2

Originally posted on www.fansfootballnetwork.com

My fantasy football prowess is legendary. Be warned. Most glimpse statistics with disinterest at best, many view them with distain. I relish my ‘Stat-Sat’. It’s true. Statistical-Saturday, two hours before kick-off, awake, alert, online, analysing pass completion percentages from the midweek games, headers won, successful tackles.

A few friends and I put €20 each in a pot before last season began. We played online but had one extra rule that became known as the ‘realistic rule’. In essence it meant you couldn’t use the transfer function unless the actual Premiership’s managers had an open transfer window. You had a squad, you stuck to that squad through thick and thin, though injuries and suspensions and through Ciaran’s gloating after he was the only one of us with Peter Crouch playing when he scored that hat-trick against Arsenal. The prick. A twelve man league sprouted, it consumed conversation week after week in the pub.

On other tables dotted around the newly refurbished local, women would sit sipping cosmos chattering about fashion, boys and weight problems. When one would leave momentarily the rest would lean in together to comment on her attire. “I cannot believe she’s wearing two clashing floral prints.” – “I know. I mean didn’t she see Gok Wan on Tuesday? It’s this season’s biggest faux pas” – “Totally”.We sat around sipping Bulmers chattering about Micah Richards, Wigan and Stephen Hunt’s weight problems. When one of the lads would go out for a smoke we’d all lean in to comment on his team. “I can’t believe he’s playing Hyypia, he’s got Richard Dunne on the bench all season” – “I know, did he not see Hyypia during the week? The young lad from PSV ran him ragged, he’s lost his pace” – “Absolutely”.

Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “What has this got to do with a preview of next month’s Premiership?” “Well nothing much. It’s more to do with my journalistic integrity. I’m a very competitive man and I’m broke. That €20 down the drain, actually that €20 sliding into Gerry’s pocket was through no fault of my own, but I’ll be honest, it hurt.All those ‘Stat-Sat’ mornings, a waste, I’m still bitter. I felt like writing to Roman Abramovich and telling him he owed me a twenty because it was all his club’s fault. My clinically analysed and statistically constructed squad consisted of three disgustingly under performing Chelsea boys, who undermined all I’d worked for. Andriy Shevchenko. Nicolas Anelka. Wayne Bridge. I can’t simply say the names, I spit them. They cost me the title, the money, but most of all the honour of having my sporting opinion respected throughout the football-baron summer.

So my preview of Chelsea’s upcoming title attempt should be taken with a pinch of salt, like I said, I’m bitter.Big Phil, good luck. There isn’t a manager on the planet that can satisfy Roman Abramovichs desire for trophies. The ‘Special One’ couldn’t; now you’re next in the firing line. Even if you do win the Premiership, the FA Cup and The Champions League you’ll need to do it playing ‘the right way’ to keep the boss happy. As far as I know ‘the right way’ consists of something to do with intricate passing, long range strikes, silky skills and the whole squad doing the conga on the crossbar at half time wearing coconut bras.

Joking aside, the big Brazilian has added two nice names to the forthcoming conga line. Anderson Deco, the jinking little Portuguese-Brazilian carbon copy of Gianfranco Zola. Great to watch. Jose Bosingwa the Portuguese-Congolese defender signed from FC Porto. Good choice, a right back was badly needed.Bosingwa is a solid defender who’s had experience against English opposition while playing Champions League football. He’s wont be messed with or afraid to throw his weight around. Deco is simply a beautiful footballer. When on form he reminds me of an orchestral conductor, everything relates to his movement, no matter who’s in possession, the ball is his. Fingers crossed Big Phil gives him a free role to play behind Drogba. I can see it already, Bosingwa swinging a cross over for Drogs to nodd down, Deco, half volley, “You beauty!”If Deco plays week in week out, which is highly likely, Michael Ballack will be moving on. The German hasn’t lived up to the hype since he moved to Stamford Bridge. Last year I thought he looked lethargic. Scolari is accustomed to Deco from his days as manager of the Portuguese national team; he’s clearly a fan. Although Ballack has stronger physical presence he lacks the depth of vision Deco possesses to pick out ‘that pass’ and the desire to win the ball that Michael Essien built his reputation on. Ballack will be second choice in the centre either that or he’ll be pushed out to the right, maybe even pushed out of the club.

For the record, players out: Makelele, Sidwell, Crespo, Boulahrouz. That foursome could make up the spine of any Premiership squad. It disgusts me.

Everton Manager David Moyes hasn’t signed one player this summer. Actually, he hasn’t even signed his own contract. British Bookmakers, Coral have suspended betting on him being the first manager to leave this year. I cannot see that happening. He’s one of the few managers who appear to love their club. I suspect he’ll sign a reviewed contract soon, and then look to building the squad for the forthcoming season.Andy Johnson is on the verge of being sold to Fulham. Although the English international is a quality player he doesn’t fit the mould at Goodison Park. In fairness, any striker who likes the ball to feet is going to struggle in front of any midfield containing Philip N. Neville.I would love to see Moyes leave Neville out of the squad, not just the team. Play five across the back with Baines attacking down the left wing and maybe Hibbert or on the right. Then place Lescott and Jagielka in the centre with Yobo roaming in front of them, please. Put Cahill, Arteta and Osman in midfield and stick Yakubu up-front with whomever Moyes brings in to replace Johnson. That’s a pretty little team there, no weak links.

The flame haired manager spoke to the press about his need to sign a new striker after the defeat to Chicago Fire during the week. Unfortunately no names were mentioned. James Vaughan’s behaviour during the game should be of interest to Toffees fans. The young strikers’ volatile temper erupted in the ‘friendly’ resulting in a red card. This left Moyes understandably annoyed. Vaughan is good, he has the potential to be the next Andy Cole or Darius Vassell, but he needs time to mature. Hopefully with more first team action he will develop over the course of the season. Toffees fans will be watching intently.

Fulham are my favourite mid-table club. I like their manager, I like their players, and I like their style. The fact their stadium is still named Craven Cottage not ‘The Umbro Bowl’, or ‘The Volkswagan Stadium at Craven Cottage’ makes them even more lovable. They seem to play without fear of losing, whether this is attribute is debatable but it’s certainly entertaining. There will always be a place in my heart for Fulham Football Club.

Hodgson’s squad is developing. They have been going through a period of transition in the last number of seasons but the strands seem to be weaving themselves together. The new names expected to make the team sheet later this month include Bobby Zamora and Zoltan Gera. Zamora is an established EPL striker, although not particularly prolific he makes an impact on the majority of defences. He’s a young bustling footballer with a solid work rate, Hodgson can expect him to net 15 this season. Anything more would be a bonus.Hungarian International, Gera may be a familiar name to eagle-eyed Premiership fans. He was the lynchpin in the West Brom midfield that kept the Baggies heads above water in 03/04. Niggling injuries kept him sidelined the following season. He watched from the boxes as his club were relegated. Although a contract was offered to keep him at The Hawthorns he opted for premiership football and signed for Fulham in July.

Fredrik Stoor is the final notable signing of Fulham’s pre-season. Another Scandinavian defender brought in by Hodgson to sure up what has been a shaky defence. Stoor was a member of the Swedish squad for Euro 2008 signs from Norwegian club, FC Rosenburg.

Hodgson seems enamoured with the cold countries of North-eastern Europe. Since taking over the reigns at Craven Cottage he has signed six Scandinavians. It should be noted that the deal to bring Bobby Zamora to Fulham also included Ghanaian under-21 international John Paintsil. Whether he will be a first-team player or simply a squad member who was a pawn in the Zamora deal is yet to be established.

Fulham will have another exciting season. Who knows where they’ll finish but it will be certainly be worth watching. Everton will have one aim, finish above Liverpool. There is one man who is judge and jury at Stamford Bridge and he will decide whether their season is a success or failure. One thing is for sure, none of his players will be in my fantasy squad.

Unless he sends me that twenty.